


Who Can Make Me Strong

by Supersonicat



Series: How Can I Go On [1]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-10-30 09:01:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17825795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supersonicat/pseuds/Supersonicat
Summary: He was disgusted by the way that Freddie – whatever his surname was - looked at him, as he was sure that Jim would just sit on his lap and satisfy him like some prostitute. He was wrong if he thought for a second that Jim...„I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m sorry. I won’t do that again, all right?“Jim stopped. Did he say sorry? He turned around, finding two big bright eyes on him.That was...Interesting....Based on Borhap movie.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, my dears. This is focused on the beginning of the relationship between Freddie and Jim, based on the BorHap movie and with some references from their real life.  
> Although I enjoyed the film a lot, I think it was unfair the lack of attention in their relationship, after all Jim was someone very important in the life of the best frontman of the world. So I decided to explore some scenes that left something to be desired. Hope you like it!

 

 _Fucking playboy. Rude and arrogant_. Jim thought while giving his back to the other man and walking toward the living room’s door, before he actually gives him a punch; the two empty bottles of expensive drinks still between his fingers. He was not only mad with the man. He was mad with everything. If he had a clue of the kind of party that he was serving that night and if he was not so out of money, he would never accept to work in there. Of course Jim was not puritan or naive. But that party was the real meaning of wild. Too many drugs and nudity, everywhere; full of those kind of people who do not even bother to look at your face or thank you. He was tired of making so many cocktails that they would drink a sip and leave on the next table. He was tired of cleaning their mess on the floor before someone gets hurt. And he was tired of that atmosphere of _don’t you know who I am_ , that filled the air that evening. No, he did not know who those people were and he did not give a damm. He was sure that half of the guests were not actually anyone important. Too many shallow people to Jim’s taste; he did not like that. He just wanted to go home and forget everything that he saw that night.

And now this? What the hell was that man thinking? That he had the right to touch him like that? Jim didn’t care if he was the frontman of some famous band - as one his stuff colleague explained to him earlier with an unbelieved expression on his face, when Jim said that he didn’t know who their host was. He was disgusted by the way that Freddie – whatever his surname was - looked at him, as he was sure that Jim would just sit on his lap and satisfy him like some prostitute. He was wrong if he thought for a second that Jim...

_"I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m sorry. I won’t do that again, all right?"_

Jim stopped. Did he say sorry? He turned around, finding two big bright eyes on him.

That was unexpected. Jim was actually waiting for some curses and probably a yell about not getting his payment for daring to talk with his employer like that.

That was...Interesting...

 

.

 

 _"Let me get you a beer"_ – Freddie said, watching the man while he seemed to consider his offer. Did he say that he's got a set of balls? No. That waiter was the one with a set of balls, for sure. He could hear in the back of his head Paul saying something like " _Who that guy think he is to talk like that with Freddie Mercury?“"_  But deep inside, Freddie knew that what he did was wrong.

The truth was he just felt lonely. He thought that throwing this party would help him to solve his problem. Being surrounded by people seemed to be a great medicine to deal with his loneliness. Big mistake. Even when the other members of Queen were there, holding affectionately their partners in their arms, he felt so helpless and even jealous. And it got worse when they left, leaving him just by himself, with that house full of people, hungry for fun and adventure. Then everybody left. And he was just like all those nights before. Full with that _hollow_ that never went again.

 _Maybe a good shag could be the solution_ , that was what he thought when he saw that guy. Of course he knew that it would not resolve his situation, he had already tried this so many times before. It could at least distract him until dawn. But he did not expect that man’s reaction. He did not remember the last time that he was rejected like that. I fact, he did not remember the last time he felt like the way he was felling at the moment. Ashamed and hesitant. The man’s eyes were analyzing him deeply. Scanning him with his brown iris. And deep inside, Freddie was afraid what would come next.

_"I wouldn’t mind a beer"_

And then Freddie released the air of his lungs. He didn’t have notice that he was holding it in the first place.

 

.

 

Jim saw Freddie nod.

_"Can you just tell me where we keep them?"_

And then he laughed slightly, soon covering his teeth with his lips. Jim had to fight against a smile, trying to keep his serious frown. He could not be serious, could he? This Freddie _Mercury?_ was a playboy after all, maybe he really did not need to know where things are at his own house. Or maybe he was just joking, trying to soften Jim’s mood. Jim wouldn’t know. But it was funny after all. He relaxed a little bit. Maybe that guy wasn’t that bad.

Jim watched as Freddie’s eyes narrowed in his direction, analyzing him from where he was, still sitting on the bench in front of his piano.

_"You are very handsome"_

 

_._

The words slipped out from his mouth without Freddie had actually thought of them. _Shit!_ He thought, predicting that the waiter would just turn around again and leave him behind. But he could not help saying that. No. Not now that he could actually appreciate the man in front of him. He had not really paid too much attention at him moments before, when he was next to him, grabbing the empty bottles on the floor. He noticed him, of course. Dark haired and robust, just the type of man he liked. But now, that he could have a good look at him, Freddie could not help feeling even more attracted to him. Behind the frown, he could see warm chocolate eyes that made Freddie immediately feel an inexplicable empathy for the man. He had a very builded body, strong arms and legs, Freddie could confirm, even with the white suit that he was wearing, which was hiding a better vision of his structure. That gave the stranger such an effect, that Freddie was sure that wouldn’t heat him so bad if the guy was wearing other clothes. That gave the man such a mysterious aura and played with Freddie’s imagination. _It suited him very well._

_"I love a man in uniform"_

And he could not help himself. Again.

 

.

 

Freddie seemed to hesitate, Jim observed, while he kept looking at him mindfully as he waited for Jim’s reply after those words. Strangely, that didn’t bother Jim like before. Not a bit. Honestly, at the moment, he was trying to understand that man. Jim was surprised with himself. Moments ago he was so mad that he just wanted to punch the other’s man face and now he was completely puzzled about the singer.

Freddie appeared so confident and so vulnerable at the same time. Confusing. Despite his alluring words, he seemed like he just need some company to talk a little before he goes to bed. Jim realized that, apart from both of them and maybe some other exhausted stuff colleagues that were probably heading their homes, there was nobody else at the house. Everybody left. Freddie was alone.

 _Maybe he just wanted to chat. Maybe that was his way to start a conversation_ , Jim supposed.

Freddie was still looking at him. Still waiting for his reaction... Did Freddie think that he offended him again? No, he didn’t. Not this time. He should know that. Jim gave in.

_"So do I"_

Freddie was not expecting that, Jim noticed as his face brightened. He smiled, grinning a little and looking away from him in a quite shy movement, too odd for someone that had just grabbed his ass minutes before. No, Jim have not yet figured that flamboyant man out. And he was tempted to do so...

 _"I'll come back"_  - Jim said, before disappearing through the doors.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They both could not describe what was going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! Another chapter and came faster than I expected!
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

Jim came back shortly with two bottles of _Heineken_ on his hands. Freddie stood up from the bench as Jim entered the room holding out one of the beers to him. They both noticed the height difference. Jim was not too much tall, but Freddie still had to hold his head a bit high to look into his eyes. Jim tried not to look so much at the other man’s exposed chest. Slender men did not make his type of guy. Nor smaller men. But Freddie had such a sexy appeal, dressing with that tight leather pants and messed dark hair. He had observed the man from a distance earlier. Walking around with a crown on his head and his plebeians worshiping him as a god. Freddie was the type of guy that was used to get anything… anyone he wanted. He seemed to have the power to captivate people. Make them pay attention on him. Adore him. Jim usually did not like that kind of men, but something about Freddie made him think there was something else apart from that king’s pose. Something just wanting to free out.

Freddie couldn’t help noticing the electricity as their finger unintentionally touched when he grabbed the beer from the waiter’s hand. So powerful that made him smile.

“ _Please, have a sit. Make yourself comfortable_ ” – the singer said offering, with his hand, a place on the large sofa at the living room. Jim pushed his lips up and nodded, heading to the place that he indicated. Freddie followed him, but sat across, making a little distance. He didn’t want to make some odd move and hush the other man away.

It was awkward at first as they stayed in silence. They both got a sip from their bottles, tasting the bitter and cold flavor of the drink. Freddie felt strange. Different from the stage flamboyant man that the world was used to see, in the real life he was a lightly reserved person. He used to mislead this side of him from other people by acting like someone who had nothing to fear, who had no limits. But he was afraid of many things. He feared loneliness, isolation, judgment… He feared moments like that, which he could not fake _unshakeableness_. If the guy in front of him, hadn’t affect him so deep, he would probably go for his favorite effect phrase _"How big is your cock?"_ as he always says to start to chat to some ordinary man that he wanted to fuck. But Freddie knew that that man was no ordinary man. And somehow, he knew that he would not be able to pretend any unbreakable confidence with him.

Freddie found himself in a strange situation where he just need to be himself. No façade. No excuses. After all the waiter didn't seemed to bother with who he was. And that was unusual. Besides some people, that included his family, Queen members, Mary and maybe really few friends, he usually was surrounded by people who desperately did everything to please him, liking him or not. It was so unusually having to try to attract someone without the _Freddie Mercury_ image. And although he felt nervous, he really wanted to win that guy’s attention.

Once more Freddie wet his throat with the bitter liquid. That could not continue, he had to say something.

“ _It’s good_ ” – Freddie said revering to the beer. He sounded hesitant to Jim’s ears. Since Freddie was the one who invited him, Jim thought that the singer should start that conversation, so he waited for the man to begin talking. In fact, he could not deny to be a bit distracted by the way that Freddie’s eyes traveled around the room, as he seemed to look for some topic to talk about. The singer looked unsure as he thought about the right words and Jim didn’t mind waiting. Actually, it was quite nice to observe the slender man in front of him – “ _It’s not a Guiness but…_ ”

Jim smiled. _All this time to think and he came with that._ That Freddie guy was funny.

“ _So you’re saying that because I’m Irish. How clever_ ” – He teased while laughing and Freddie could see his beautiful teeth. He covered his own with his lips again, which made Jim ask himself why the singer kept doing that. He thought that Freddie’s smile was just fine.

“ _Just didn’t know how to begin this conversation. Usually I’m more creative than that_ ” – he confessed. _So he did want to chat,_ Jim thought.

“ _It’s easy_ ” – Jim said raising his eyebrows. He felt like he should help him on that – “ _You don’t have to try too hard. It’s all about saying anything that comes to your mind_ ” – and realizing that Freddie's face flushed a little and that he suppressed a laugh, Jim added patiently – “ _Anything that is not too vulgar, I mean” –_ Freddie looked away for a while, a smile on his face. Jim really couldn’t get what he was thinking. He felt curious to know  – “ _So… what is it?_ ”

Freddie took a deep breath, looking at him again, before saying:

“ _You have a nice accent. I like it_ ” – it made Jim grin and roll his eyes playfully – _“You wanted me to say what I had in mind_ ” – Freddie laughed defending himself – _“I was thinking about that_ ” - somehow, Jim was sure that this was exactly what the other man was thinking. He could see it in the musician’s eyes.

“ _Sure you were_ ” – Jim replied – “ _And you have a phoney American accent_ ” – he joked – “ _Drop it_ ”

“ _I don’t have an American accent. I have an English accent_ ” – Freddie replied, amused.

Jim just laughed again, drinking from his bottle. That was a good outset, Freddie thought. That guy was so light and easy going. He didn’t expect _that_ after their conflicted start. He talked to Freddie as if he really didn’t care that he was facing one of the most coveted artists of the present. He joked with him, not caring about what Freddie would think of it. He talked to him as if Freddie was some ordinary person. And God, Freddie enjoyed that. That man was not trying to impress him. That man was not trying to spoil him. That man was just trying to talk to him. Freddie felt the urge to know more about that waiter. He needed to know more.

“ _So…How long have you been in London?_ ” – he asked. The corner of Jim’s lips raised above his moustache. He was pleased with such a simple question.

“ _A couple of years_ ” – he answered, easily.

“ _Do you like it? Is it too different from home?_ ” – Freddie continued, happy to hear Jim’s simple reply.

Jim thought a bit.

“ _It is different. But not too much. I kind of like here…_ ” – he admitted straightening the white blazer into her body – “ _Have you been in Ireland?_ ”

“ _Yes… a couple of times, while I was on tour…” –_ Freddie replied _– “Where do you come from?_ ”

“ _Carlow, it’s on south_ ”

“ _I see… Never been there_ ”

“ _It’s nice. Very green, good places to visit. Castles and beautiful outdoor views. You should go_ ”

Freddie nod at that with a bright face.  

“ _It sounds lovely_ ” – _just like the Irish man in front of him._

Silence again. Jim felt it was his turn to go on – “ _You are from London, then?_ ”

“ _I am not from England_ ” – Freddie said, surprising even himself. He normally didn’t talk about his early life – “ _I was born in Zanzibar_ ”

“ _Zanzibar…_ ” – Jim repeated, his eyebrows up.

“ _Do you know where it is?”_ – Freddie challenged him. Leaning himself a bit to Jim’s direction.

 _“It’s in Africa”_ – Jim replied. With the same challenging look that the other man gave too him. Freddie laughed -

“ _You know it. Not too many people know_ ” – Freddie went back to where he was – “ _My parents are from India. But I’ve lived in London since I was seventeen_ ”

“ _Zanzibar, India, London… It sounds like an interesting mixture_ ” – Jim didn’t mean to sound _flirty_ , in fact, he was just processing all that information about the musician. But the sentence went out with that tone, without he even processed on his brain. It made Freddie smile shyly again, a blush on his cheeks. It affected Jim more than he expected. He adjusted his blazer again, finding himself a bit uncomfortable with the look that Freddie was giving him. His action did not go unnoticed by Freddie.

“ _You can take that off_ ” – he said, referring to the blazer, as soon as he got an odd look from the man, he added – “ _I said that I won’t do anything_ ”

“ _You might not_ ” – Jim replied, but then smiled, an amused look in his eyes – _“Or I will have to give you that thump_ ” – and then he took his white blazer off, leaving it besides him on the sofa.

“ _It wouldn’t be that easy though…”_ – Freddie grinned – “ _I’m a good fighter. I can box pretty well”_

“ _I don’t doubt it_ ” – Jim said. Silence again. They just looked at each other for a while, such a powerful eye contact. They both could not describe what was going on. Freddie just started to feel so comfortable as he was staring into those soft eyes, and Jim was trying to comprehend what was that sorrow that he could see inside the other’s light iris.

“ _I am sorry again, by the way… about that_ ”  -  a sincerely smile laid on Freddie’s face. During the party Jim did not see the man in front of him giving such smile to anyone. Freddie was being sincere, Jim could see. _Such an interesting man._

“ _It’s fine. Forget about it_ ” – Jim said, picking his beer and drinking it, avoiding those eyes that looked at him so intensely. He could feel himself blush. What the hell was that now?

Things should not be going that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> Thanks for the Kudos and comments!
> 
> Did you like this chapter? Please leave me a comment, I would be very happy! They encourage me to continue!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But Freddie loved madness anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is me again! Hope you guys like this chapter! Please comment and tell me what you think. It is a bit short, but the next one is comming soon.

Jim was right. There was definitely something else about _Freddie Mercury._ Jim could not remember seeing someone so authentic, so exotic in all thinkable ways. It all began with his looks; Freddie had such a unique face, with his big and intense eyes, his strong cheek bones and chin, his full red lips and prominent teeth under a well lineated mustache - if each of these parts belong to different faces perhaps they did not make so much sense in an ordinary physiognomy, but together, they gave a millimetrically special architecture to that man. There, sitting in front of the singer, Jim even forgot his preference for bigger men. He could not deny it. Freddie was a very attractive man.

But it was not just that.

Freddie was different even in his way of talking, gesturing, thinking. He had a peculiar and timid way of speaking, always wetting his lips or biting them lightly, however without any sexual connotations. No. Jim could see that his actions looked more like an unconscious habit, as well as his index finger skirted the half empty _Heineken_ bottle on his other hand. Jim could feel that the musician was comfortable. Comfortable with the little chat, comfortable with his presence… Freddie no longer seemed to be afraid to say something wrong.

He talked in a quiet voice, a bit lazy because of the advanced hour. His eyes did not flinch from Jim's, and when they did, it was for brief seconds, only to find a more adequate word in the middle of the sentence, as he told Jim more about his Indian decency, his years at boarding school, his forced immigration to England. Jim had no idea why this man was telling him so much and, deep inside, something was telling him that even Freddie had no idea why he was opening up to a stranger. It just seemed like Freddie wanted to talk and Jim wanted to listen. Simple as that.

And the more Jim listened the more he wanted to hear.

.

Freddie made him a question and watched Jim smile again, his white teeth showing up and the corner of his eyes squeezing gracefully. It was about his work as a waiter, which Jim explained that it was not his real job.

He listened as Jim told him that he was a hairdresser, which Freddie was surprised to know. He was actually working that night to get some extra money, since the saloon he was currently working was closing its doors and he had not enough clients to pay his bills.

 _“So you were forced to work here today …?”_ – Freddie asked.

_“Not forced… I just had to…”_

_“You don’t like it then…”_

Jim took a deep breath.

 _“No, I don’t”_ – he said sincerely. Freddie could not remember what that feeling was like. Of course he had other jobs before, but he was so accustomed now, to do what he loved, that he could hardly remember what it was like to have to work on something he did not like.

 _“But do you like what you do?”_ \- He had to ask. As if he had to know that Jim could also work on something he liked - _“I mean… to cut hair, to dye hair, to do beards…”_

Jim laughed, his laughter echoed through the room. That was a sound that Freddie was sure he could hear forever, without ever getting sick of it - _“Yes I do”_ \- he confirmed. Somehow the singer felt relieved – _“Do you like what you do? To write songs, to sing, to perform?”_

Freddie smiled. It was not the first time that someone asked him that. He was used to get this question on interviews. But it was not like the journalists cared about how he truly felt about his job or his music. They just wanted a good _scoop_. They just waited, hungrily, for some misleading word, some slip, to print on their first cover that Freddie Mercury was a fraud - a half-bowl artist, who did not love what he did, who only did it for the money. Freddie knew that. But that question, coming from the waiter - or rather the hairdresser, seemed to have a pure and clear point. Jim just and simply wanted to know if he liked what he did for living. And just like that, he answered with the same sincerity:

_“Yes I do”_

Jim nod, satisfied.

_“I guess we both do what we like then”_

_“You’re right…”_ \- Freddie said. God. That was _so good._ Freddie felt like he could continue that conversation forever. He felt so indescribable _light_. He felt like he could talk about anything with that man. And above all, that loneliness, somehow, seemed to have disappeared. He could not explain when, or at what moment it happened, but he felt that emptiness, inside himself, had just disappeared; he no longer felt that anguish that consumed him day by day, night by night. God. He could only be crazy. Or too much drunk. How was even possible that in just a simple conversation, that _stranger_ , that lovely and absolutely charming Irishman had made him feel so complete, as he had not felt for so many years. He could only be mad.

But Freddie loved madness anyway.

 _“Is there something else you like?”_ – Freddie asked wishing to know more, anything more about the other man – _“I mean… Something else apart from hairdressing”_

Jim thought for a second.

_“I enjoy gardening”_

_“Gardening?”_

_“Yes… I love plants, and flowers…”_ – and then Jim started to talk more about gardens, the types of plants he liked, which kind of care the liked to give to each different plant. He seemed to know a lot about that. Freddie was surprised. Again. Jim was a big man, apparently he did not look delicate enough to deal with hairs, let alone plants. Freddie loved that. He loved the fact that Jim had the looks – God, that man was gorgeous - and apparently the delicate heart that he longed to find in someone. Oh god! He was definitively going crazy. He just knew the guy for less than half hour and there he was, drooling like a teenager who was talking for the first time to his platonic love. It was an alcohol effect; it could only be that.

 _“What about you?”_ \- Jim woke him up from his daydreams – _“Do you have a hobby?”_

 _A lot of sex._ He thought. It was not a lie. But he knew that was not the answer the other man was expecting. Jim wanted to get to know him better. He needed to give him a better answer. Maybe, sometime later, Jim would find out that the singer liked sex. Oh, just the thought of doing _it_ with that man, made Freddie burn in anticipation. But it was not just that. He did not just want that. For the first time he wanted to be with someone for real. And he would not throw it all away now that things were going so well. Even because he felt an inescapable need to be honest with the Irishman, as he was doing so far, telling him about things that for ages he did not even think about. Things like what he was about to say:

_“I used to draw”_

_“Draw?”_

_“Yes. Actually I have a degree in graphic art and design. Never worked on that field, of course. But I used to paint a lot”_

_“Don’t you paint anymore?”_

Freddie thought a bit. He could not remember the last time he held a paintbrush.

_“It’s been a while…”_

_“Did you like it?”_

_“Yes… a lot”_

_“So why did you stop?”_ \- Jim asked frowning.

 _“Just saw no point for doing that anymore, I suppose”_ \- Freddie looked away. He used to love painting. It relaxed him. He really could not explain why he stopped. Over the years and with the growing eminence of his fame he began to replace his pencils and inks with bottles of drink and drugs. He felt ashamed. And he did not quite understand why.

Jim seemed to notice his hesitation.

 _“Well, you do not need a point to do things that you enjoy, you just do it… You don’t need a reason to draw, do you?”_ \- Freddie looked back at the man. Those brown eyes stared at him with an immeasurable tenderness. He felt welcomed, felt understood.

 _“I guess you’re right”_ – he replied softly.

Jim smiled, so did Freddie.

The big clock at one corner of the room was marking 5 am.

But neither of them could care less at the moment.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They would not reveal those feelings for nothing. Never. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! One more chapter! And it was fast! Please, tell me what you think, okay?

Yes, that was definitely magical. It seemed like Freddie and Jim had known each other for a long time. It seemed like that contact had been going on for many, many years. That inexplicably intimacy, that feeling of reciprocity that was present in every word, in every phrase uttered by both of them. It was noticeable by any viewer, and even more, it was perceivable by both men. It was there, almost palpable, they could not deny. It was surprising. None of them had ever experienced that. They had never experienced such an immediate connection. So instantaneous. So powerful.

They came from completely different worlds. Freddie was a famous, rich, influential musician. Jim was a low-middle-class hairdresser who earned just enough to pay his bills and have a few beers on the weekends. Freddie could spend 1000 pounds on branded clothes he'd wear once or twice. Jim had to think twice about whether or not to send his radio - that made strange sounds when he turned the volume higher - to repair. Freddie was known, respected, admired. Jim was the kind of guy that no one paid much attention when he crossed the street. Freddie walked with his head up. Jim walked looking down.

They were so different. But at the same time they were similar. They were reserved people, but with strong personalities. They always said what they thought, what they believed. Neither of them was very religious, but if they were, they would say that it all came from past lives. They have met in other incarnations. They had already shared moments like that. Simple conversations, however fluid and clear as running water. And not only that, even if they did not admit it, they knew that they were meant to meet in that life, as Freddie and Jim. And in next lives. And in the next. And then the next one.

Or maybe not. Or maybe that meeting was just a moment and they would continue their lives separately. Maybe in the days to come, they would not even remember each other. But that did not matter. What mattered was _that_ moment. What mattered was _now_. And they wanted to be worth it. What mattered was that feeling of reciprocity, that feeling of comfort. What mattered were their tender looks, their cheeks flushed with a double-meaning comment, the strange butterflies in their bellies that they had not felt since they were mere teenagers.

They tried not to give too much importance to it. After all, Jim was extremely tired, Freddie already had his drink quota. But that feeling was there. It was right there, under their noses, but they tried to camouflage it, even from themselves. They were adults, after all. Two adult men, over 30 years old. That, inside their chests, was a youthful feeling, right? A feeling that was only seen in romantic movies. It was not for experienced and well-lived people, like themselves.

But it was good. That was divine.

Who would have thought that Jim would be so interested in a guy like Freddie? So full of himself, surrounded by privileged people. Someone from a world so unknown to him. That was so unlike Jim. But Freddie Mercury was a puzzle. A puzzle very difficult to decipher. But he was almost getting the hang of it. Jim had already understood what he was seeing inside those clear, intense, alive, but sad eyes. It was loneliness. Freddie Mercury was a lonely person. Freddie Mercury was someone who needed a real company. A company that would not just see the famous singer, idol, artist.

_Freddie Mercury needed someone to see in him someone beyond Freddie Mercury._

And who would say that Freddie would exchange a shag to just talk, and still, talk about things he barely talked to his closest friends? Ah, that Irishman was different. That hairdresser made him want to spend a whole Sunday under a duvet, hugged to that strong body – Jim’s strong body - watching an ordinary TV show. That guy made Freddie want to have someone for himself, to have someone home so he could come back from studio, after a long day of hard work, and be greeted with that white teeth smile and tender eyes.

But they would not confess that. All that was sealed inside their hearts. And they would not reveal those feelings for nothing. Never.

Right?

 

.

 

Jim looked into Freddie's eyes as the singer leaned forward to light his cigarette in the lighter Jim handed him. Freddie smiled, returning to his position and releasing the smoke, Jim lit his own cigarette doing the same. The beer bottles had already been left empty and forgotten on the coffee table.

 _“Sometimes I think I should quit it”_ – Freddie confessed – _“They say it's bad for the voice”_

 _“It must be bad for many other things”_ – Jim said – _“I've tried to quit a few times, but I failed. The last time I quitted for a week. The next week I smoked what I would smoke for a month_ ”

They both laughed.

 _“But it must be bad. We will see this in the future, I tell you…” –_ Freddie replied, guiding his cigarette to his mouth once more.

_“We will pay for it then”_

_“For sure”_

They leaned, at the same time, towards the ashtray on the table in front of them. Their faces stayed close for a moment, they smiled again, in a now evident, but timid, flirtation, but returned to their positions, synchronized in bringing their cigarettes back to their mouths.

Jim's eyes ran through the room, suitably decorated by someone with great taste, in that case, Freddie. He stopped at a table, behind the singer, where several picture frames were displayed. Photos of some people that Jim obviously did not know who were… Pictures of Freddie with long hair, a younger appearance and without his mustache… But a particular photo caught his attention.

_“Whose are those cats?”_

Freddie turned, identifying what the other man was referring to –

_“Well, they are mine, of course”_

_“All of them?”_

“ _Yes, darling_ ” – Then Freddie stretched back to get the picture in his hands. Jim tried not to pay too much attention to his tan-haired abdomen – “ _Here, look_ ” – he said extending the photograph to Jim – “ _These are_ _Tom, Jerry, Oscar, Tiffany, Dalilah, Goliath, Miko, Romeo, and little Lily, of course”  -_ Jim took the photo on his hand, being careful to not cause any damage with the half lighted cigarette – _“They are my children”_ – Freddie told, his face so bright with joy that made Jim’s heart heat – _“Delilah is my favorite” –_ Freddie confessed, pointing to one of the cats on the photo _– “But don’t tell the others. They would be really jealous. I love all of them, don’t get me wrong”_

 _“I’m sure you do –_ Jim said, a big smile under his dark moustache – “ _They are gorgeous_ ”

 _“Yes, they are”_ – Freddie said, his face with an expression that only a father would hold – _“Do you like cats?”_

 _“Yes, I do. All kind of animals, actually”_ – Jim said, smoking his nearly done cigarette, Freddie did the same – “ _I had a big ginger tom cat back in Ireland. His name was Spock…. Funny creature. He used to hide in very strange places. I had to play hide and seek with him. But he was lovely”_

 _“Oh, that’s so much like my Goliath” –_ Freddie pointed other cat _– “He is mischievous. He always worries me to hell”_

Both men burst into laughter, then Freddie returned the picture to its place.

 _“Where are they?”_ – Jim asked curious, leaning over to extinguish his cigarette in the ashtray.

 _“They are upstairs”_ – Freddie replied, copying Jim’s action and also leaving his done cigarette – _“Probably sleeping by now, I hope. I would introduce you to them. But they would be very grumpy if I wake them up_ ”

 _“No need. Don’t disturb them”_ – Jim said – _“They are probably very upset about the noise from earlier”_

Freddie stayed still for a second, then released a very deep breath and said:

 _“Yeah… That was such a mess” –_ Yes it was. Freddie looked away from Jim’s eyes one more time. He had asked Paul to bring everyone, everything to that party. Contortionists, strippers, fire-eating dwarfs… and, for god’s sake, for what purpose?  It seemed such a good idea for a party. He just wanted to have fun, to forget everything that consumed him inside… all his bones… all his muscles. All of that for nothing. The party was good; yes, it was. But did not solve anything. He was now, feeling so much better with that man next to him. He did not know why he crave so much to do it in the first place.

 _“Yes, it was”_ – Jim replied carefully, noticing the change in Freddie’s frown.

 _“Do you…”_ – Freddie turned to Jim’s eyes again, unsure how to proceed – _“Would you…  I mean…” –_ Freddie saw Jim eyebrows go up _– “What… did you think?”_

Jim was surprised with the question. Why would Freddie want his opinion about the party? Who was him to give any opinion anyway?

 _“Well”_ – Jim started a bit hesitant – _“It was not like anything that I am used to”_ – Jim replied sincerely – _“But I’m just a waiter. You’re the one to say. It was your party, after all”_ – then Jim looked at him. Deep inside his eyes. Freddie was sure that he could even see inside his soul – _“Did you enjoy it? Was it what you… expected?”_

Was it? Was it what Freddie wanted?

 _“I…”_ – Freddie started – “ _I just wanted to have some people over… I mean, just wanted to have some fun, to make people happy, you know?_ ”

 _“People happy?”_ – then Jim saw it. Jim saw the sorrow. Jim saw the problem. Jim saw everything - _“I see”_

Jim thought for a second that he just should leave things like that. After all, who was he to get into Freddie businesses and start to say what he really thought about everything that happened that night. He meant when he said that he was just a waiter. He knew his place. He knew really well.  But something, inside him, was telling him to keep going. Something was telling him that he needed to say what he wanted to.  Something was saying that he needed to help Freddie. He needed to make Freddie say and understand what he was pretty sure that the singer already knew. Jim could not help himself. Jim needed to say it –

_“So all your friends have left you alone?”_

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim was there for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! One more chapter, that one a little more dramatic than the others. Hope you like it! Leave a comment, please! :D

_So all your friends have left you alone?_

And then all came back. Just with that simple question. Everything that frightened him, and which he had managed to forget for a few moments - thanks to the Irishman - came back. Inside him. It returned to consume him.

It was just like a bucket of cold water thrown all over his head.

It was just like waking from a beautiful dream to a cruel real life.

Freddie wetted his lips. No good sensation of a well time spent with friends came to him. None of that strange joy that filled anyone after a good night surround with people that he cared or that cared for him. Nothing. After all, Mary wasn’t even there. Brian, Roger and John left at the beginning. Everyone, that he actually cared, left him alone.

He wanted to curse them all. How did dare they? They knew him, right? They knew that their presence was important to him. So why did they just leave? Leaving him like a package of meat to starving wolves? His friends, the hairdresser said? All those people, there that night, besides his Queen fellows, were not his friends. They were a tool. They were an escape attempt. A shoddy attempt to escape, that works only for a few hours.

_Friends? Humpf! What the hell?_

_“They are not my friends, not really. Just distraction” –_ He admitted, with a quiet voice, looking at the other man to see his reaction.

 

.

 

Jim raised his eyebrows in surprise. He did not expect Freddie would confess so easily to him. A stranger. A man he barely knew. But he did, increasing Jim’s assumptions. Distraction? Why did Freddie need to be distracted of?

A man that have everything. Wealth. Fame. A man that did not need to worry about his bills. A man that could travel around the whole world and have all the attention that he'd want, everyone with their eyes on him. Adoring him. A man that could have as many partners as he'd like, for how long he'd like. A man that had everything that anyone would like to have. Why did someone as _Freddie Mercury_ need any  _distraction_?

 _“From what?” -_ Jim had to ask. He need to hear from Freddie. He needed Freddie to confirm his suppositions. And Jim knew, inside him, that Freddie needed to say it. For his own good. Freddie needed to admit it. Maybe _that_ was the reason Jim was there. Maybe _that_ was the reason that Freddie wanted to chat, in the first place. In fact, Jim was really curious to hear Freddie’s reply. What would be his afflictions? His fears? Jim wanted to know. He wanted to confirm that,  _what_ Jim could see in the singer’s eyes, was really _what_ Jim supposed it was.

 

.

 

Freddie took a deep breath. His brain started to work tirelessly inside his head. Images came to him. The unanswered calls for Mary. The distance that he stablished from his parents. His jealousy to see the loving stability of John, Roger and Brian. Something Freddie would never have. Going out, holding hands, through the streets with someone. Freddie would be left behind. He would be doomed to be in an empty house like _that one_ , having only his cats as his consolation.

That was his fate. That was what he most feared. It was what he wanted to distract himself from. From that reality that was coming soon. It was about what he did not want to think. That he wanted to forget, whatever the cost was. If the solution was to get _shit-faced_ with futile people, at least for a few hours, he was willing to do that. Because he could never get what he wanted. What he needed. He would not have Mary by his side. He would not be around his family. He would never get someone for himself as Brian, Roger and John had.

_Right?_

That was his destiny. And he just wanted to forget about it. To forget about all of it.

 _“The in-between moments, I suppose.” –_ He admitted; the other man’s brown eyes were on him, staring him deeply. Freddie could not hold it, so he looked away again. Now that he started, he felt the urge to keep on. He felt like he needed to spit it out. He needed to say what was in his heart. Those chocolate eyes were calling him. Telling him to say it. Saying to him that he needs to get it out of him at once.  And he felt so confident to say it all. There, with that man in front of him, he felt he could tell him. He was sure that he could disembosom all with him. Freddie felt ... inexplicably secure, as he never felt before – “ _I find them intolerable. All of the…_ ”  _-_ he stopped, his eyes back to Jim’s, looking for the best word. What was _that_ inside him? Ah, he knew what it was _\- “ Darkness you thought you left behind comes creeping back in”_

Freddie said it. He did it. He observed that Jim looked away for a while, as he was processing all that information.

 

.

 

Jim was right. Again. Freddie had just confirmed what he already noticed for sure.

Freddie Mercury was a guy that had _everything_ and _nothing_ at the same time. He was surround by people, but he did not have anyone that truly cared for him. Freddie was there, all by himself in a huge mansion with no one to care for him. To just be with him. Jim could not help to be sorry for Freddie. That should be awful. Jim could not imagine how would be to be the musician. He tried to suppose how that feeling would be like. Of course he also had his own story. Life was not that easy to him either. Sure that was not compared to Freddie’s life. Jim would never know what was the cost of having fame. He was just a hairdresser from the suburban of London. But sometimes, he also felt that way. A darkness inside that he could not beat. Jim knew how was to be alone. By himself. He felt like he should say it. He felt like he should show Freddie that he was not the only one that felt that way.

_“I know what you mean”_

_._

_“Really?”_ – Freddie was surprised. Did he really know it? Did he know how was that feeling? Freddie looked directly in his eyes, trying to see if that was really true. And then Freddie saw. Oh, he did. Freddie could see in his eyes. He was telling him the truth. That man understood him; that man knew how was like. He knew it too. But how did he deal with it? How could the hairdresser stand it? Freddie need desperately to know - _“What is it that you do with them?”_

_._

 

Jim noticed as Freddie leaned toward him, his eyes bright and curious, waiting for his answers. The singer was very close, so close that Jim could feel the heat of his body. He could feel his expectation and deep desire for the solution he was hoping that Jim could give. Freddie was scanning him, so deep with his light iris, his pupils enlarged by the low light and probable excess of drinks. He waited anxiously, like a small child who longed to know the truth about everything. And Jim wanted to help him to know. He really wanted to help that man. He really wanted to see that awful feeling getting away from him. 

But who was he, after all? _Who was he to help Freddie?_ Jim was not a guardian angel to help anyone. But there was him. He wanted to do that. He knew that feeling. He had it so much back in Ireland, where he could not be himself around other people. Where he needed to pretend in a city where everyone knew everyone. Where everyone’s eyes were everywhere. He knew how terribly, to be alone, was. But he managed to administrate that. He knew what could soften that darkness. And he wanted Freddie to know too.

 _“Spend them with real friends” –_ Jim said it. Jim gave him the solution. And it was simple as that. Freddie just need a friend. A real friend. Someone who would not judge him; someone who would understand him. Someone to talk to. Someone who really cared for him – _“You look like you could use a friend”_

_._

And again. The bucket of cold water was thrown over Freddie’s head one more time.

He lowed his face; ashamed. Ashamed that that man in front of him could see so deep inside him. Ashamed that the solution was so obviously shown by those soft Irish eyes.

Freddie felt so bad. He felt ashamed for blaming his real friends for his failure. He was ashamed for felling angry with Mary, John, Brian and Roger. Who was he trying to deceive? It was not their fault, was it? He was the one who asked for that madness and senseless party, right? He could not complain about anything. He was the one who rushed them away with childishness and inappropriate comments. He was the only guilty for being like that. He sent off the only few that cared for him. The only ones that he should be spending time with.

He had no one else.

 

.

 

Jim watched as the singer avoided his gaze, as he processed his words slowly. He hoped Freddie had finally figured out what it was all about. The answer of his loneliness was around the singer, and he just ignored it. It was worthless to spend his time on dozens that did not matter to him. What was worth it was to spend time with those few who had his true affection. That was what Jim meant. And the singer seemed rather to understand.

Jim kept watching him, his eyes tracing all his expression, and felt something growing inside his chest. An immense desire to support that man. To tell him he was not alone. To tell him, that if he needed to… Jim would be there for him. Oh god, he wanted so much to see Freddie happy. And he could not explain why. He didn’t know the singer. He was not his friend. He was no one. But he wanted so much to show Freddie that he was there.

_Jim was there for him._

_._

Freddie looked up at the man again. His guilt was evident in his face, waiting for the certain condemnation that would follow.  He expected that Jim would judge him. With his brown eyes that owned the unbelievable ability to see inside Freddie’s soul. But he didn’t find that.

Oh, no. Far away from that.

Surprisingly, those eyes seemed to crave to catch Freddie’s own again, with a compassion and empathy that did not seem to be human. Oh, those chocolate eyes overflowed light. Intense and cozy, like a tight embrace in the middle of a cold winter.

And then Freddie felt a strong warm hand on his cheek. And he saw, surprised, those soft eyes coming closer to his own, taking him with sweetness, as the Irishman leaned to his direction. Freddie's heart raced, hitting madly against his chest.

Their lips met.

And that was just pure magic.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freddie was not ready for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! Yes, the last chapter went out and the fic is finished. I must confess that it was very difficult to write this last chapter. Little dialogue and more emotion, I hope it’s good!  
> As you know, this is the **Part 1** of the serie **"How can I go on"** , which is based on the movie Bohemian Rhapsody. The **Part 2** is called **"From day to day"** and will come soon, I promise.
> 
> Please do not forget to comment and tell me what you found, okay? See you soon! xoxox

_Oh God_. That was exactly how it should be like. That was how it should be to kiss someone that meant to be yours. Someone that was born to be with you for the rest of your life. Yes, it was just like that. Jim and Freddie knew it. They could see it. They could _feel_ it. Lips that fit perfectly, as they were made for one another. That inexplicable sensation of experiencing what the other one felt with just one touch. The mix of feelings inside their chests. The butterflies that made stomps inside their stomachs. It was unexpected. Amazing. Surreal.

That could not be true, could it? They were raving. That was madness.

But they didn’t care. No, they did not. Not at that moment. Not like this. It was a pure kiss; delicate, almost chaste. A kiss that tenderly warmed their hearts and, at the same time, caused deep desires. Freddie's hand held the other man's wrist, begging it to be kept on the skin of his cheek. So good.

Their breaths mingled as they breathed the same air. The taste of beer and cigarette smoke and some other sweet drink Freddie had drunk earlier that night. And meanwhile, the taste of each other, that they could relish and share with that touch of lips.

Freddie had a citrusy taste, Jim thought, like a tropical fruit, that the hairdresser would not know the name. Such an aphrodisiac flavor.

Freddie, on the other hand, was almost sure he felt the taste of something you only eat at Christmas. Something sweet and memorable; something that would make anyone to wish the arrival of December. That was how the Irishman tasted like to Freddie; and it was delicious.

They would not know if the kiss lasted seconds or hours. They were so lost in sensations that _time_ made no difference. What was _time_ , after all? What was _time_ , when unexpected images came to their minds showing them a possible future together? A hot tea, with a dash of milk, shared in the bed. Cold nights warmed by the heat of a tight embrace. Sweaty bodies in the midst of lust. White hair and baldness that could eventually appear. A hand that would always be waiting to hold the other one when one of them might need.

Oh boy, _that_ did not always happen. _That_ did not happen to everyone. How lucky they were. Too lucky to be truth. During that moment, they forgot who they were. Freddie even forgot his fears. Who was that man that seconds ago believed his fate was to be all by himself for the rest of his life? He could not remember why it frightened him so much. For that brief moment, he felt deep in his chest that he might not be alone anymore. He could have someone. He could finally have his _somebody to love_. And this _somebody_ maybe was right there, in front of him, kissing him with the kindness and sweetness, that he never had before.

Jim was totally dizzied, surprised with his own audacity and initiative to lean forward and steal a kiss from Freddie, but above all, he was impressed by the delicacy and intensity that the singer corresponded him, without thinking twice about showing Jim his satisfaction. It was something so delicate, that Jim almost felt like it was immaculate. Yes, _immaculate_ ; something unexpected to think of someone who have just had a party full of drugs, sex and madness. But after that conversation, Jim could see that Freddie was a good person, interesting, intelligent, kind ... Freddie, just like everyone else on the planet, only needed someone. And the Irishman really wanted to show him, with that simple kiss, that the frontman, like everybody else, could have someone too.

Jim could feel how Freddie held his hand, his tan skin warm on his. He could feel how soft his cheek was under his touch. He could feel his breath so close to his face. Oh, he could feel everything.

Ah, there were so many emotions, so many thoughts, so many wonders. Only those who have been through _this_ would know how it was like. Feeling what they were feeling.

So unexpected, so unexplained, so wonderful.

And all this due a kiss.

 

.

 

The kiss was brooked slightly. Their eyes opened as they pulled away, just enough to face each other again. Freddie did not let go of Jim's wrist, while they only confined themselves to stare into the eyes of one another. They wondered if the other had also felt all those whirlwind of feelings.

 

.

 

Freddie was in the clouds. He lost himself in those brown eyes, scanning all over the other man's face, trying to memorize every detail of his physiognomy. His nose, his mouth, his eyebrows, his mustache ... he wanted to be able, whenever he’d close his eyes, to see that man on his mind, exactly as the hairdresser looked like at that very moment; staring at him, his eyes a little tired, but vivid and overflowing sweetness all toward him.

 _“I like you” –_ he said. He had to say it. He wanted that man to know. He actually was hoping he would be capable of saying a lot more; to try to explain to the hairdresser all those confusing feelings that were inside his heart. But he just could not. He was in a such an ecstasy that the only thing that he was able to do was to stare at the Irishman. And he was quite sure that he could just do that forever.

.

_“I like you too, Freddie” –_ Jim replied, smiling. He did liked Freddie. He really did. If someone had told him earlier that night, as soon as he arrived to work as a waiter in that mansion, that he would be sitting on the couch comforting and kissing that same man he saw doing extravagances with a crown on his head, Jim would probably either roll his eyes with disbelief or laugh at the person’s face.

But there he was, with an immense desire to lean again and kiss Freddie once more, to keep listening to his longings so that he could protect him as best he could. Jim had never felt that way before, let alone with someone like Freddie. He was so different from himself in every possible way, he had never imagined to get involved with someone like the frontman. It was so out of his realization that he began to think it might be a delirious perhaps ...

But it was such a lovely delirium. Freddie was a delirium.

Jim saw the musician giving him the most beautiful small smile, sincere and pure, his light eyes soft and inviting, his hand still holding him, as he seemed to expect something else to happen. Something even more magical, Jim supposed.

Jim traced the singer's face with his eyes, stoping at his mouth again. So fleshy, red and inviting that he became even more tempted to band it with his once again; and again and again. Jim knew full well where this might end. He could already feel the desire growing inside him and he knew that Freddie was feeling that way as well. But they could not do _it_ , could they?

As tempting as it was, Jim felt that this was not the right moment for _that_. He could sleep with the singer in that dawn and satisfy the carnal desire they were both feeling. He would love to have that slender body – God, how ironic - close to his, to be able to delight that exotic taste that Freddie’s mouth just had, to clutch his hands in his black hair which Jim was sure that was as soft as cotton. But, after all that time they’ve spent together in that living room, there was definitely more there than just the urge for sex. And on both sides. They had this connection, this unbelievable bond. Jim knew it was something rare to happen. Something only a fool would let slip.

However, there was a very important point in all this. And that could just ruin everything.

Freddie was not ready for that.

Jim knew it. Jim felt it.

Freddie, within the scope of his quest to end his loneliness, had forgotten that before anything else, he had to be prepared to receive all that. He need to be prepared to be with someone for real. He needed to understand what that was, what that meant.

Freddie needed to learn how to deal with his loneliness better then what he’d been doing, he needed to search for the _right_ people to be with, but even before that, he must to learn accepting that he really needed those _right_ people around him. He needed to accept that he was alone, and instead of falling into despair accepting _anyone_ to be around him in exchange for just some company, he needed, first of all, to like his own company. Freddie needed to learn how to deal with his _darkness_ , and only he could do that. He had to start solving this problem, not as a spoiled child, but with the wisdom of an adult.

And as much as Jim wanted to simply give in to his desires, he knew that his main role that night, was to help the musician understand that. He knew that if Freddie really wanted Jim for himself, it would have to be for real. And Freddie was not ready for that.

Yet.

_"Come and find me when you decide to like yourself”_

 

.

Jim's hand fell away from his, gently. The hairdresser took his blazer from the top of the sofa and stood up. Freddie felt as if all of a sudden an icy stream of wind had passed through him, taking all the heat that was surrounding him since the moment Jim have sat next to him on that sofa.

What did he mean by that? Why was him going away?

Freddie could not understand what was happening. He got so confused. Everything was going so perfectly. He was sure he saw in those Irish eyes the same sensations he was feeling. The desire to be closer, the desire to kiss, the desire to feel even more deeply those feelings.

And then the other man just went away? Was Freddie mistaken? Was the waiter not feeling the same way he did, by any chance? Did the Irishman not want to stay there with him enjoying all they had just discovered? Why was he just leaving him behind?

Freddie's mouth opened and closed a few times. He did not know what to say. He did not know how to act. He wanted to ask the other to stay. So that he would not leave him. Never. He did not want the other man to leave.

But he could not say anything about it.

Freddie watched him walking away, taking all those good sensations he lived that late night along with him. _To like himself_ , was that what he said? What was _that_ about _t_? What kind of response was that, when the singer was so ecstatic with emotion?

He was joking, wasn’t’ he? The hairdresser would come back and take him in his strong arms to continue to comfort him, soothing his heart with his lovely accent. Calming his soul with his chocolate eyes. He would not really go away, would he?

Freddie began to realize that it was true. He really would leave. A slight despair began to consume him. Finding him? How would Freddie find him? Where would he find that man? How?

 _"Can I have your name, at least?” –_ he finally asked, realizing that after all this time, he did not even know the name of the Irishman.

Freddie watched as he turned, putting one hand on his waist. God, he was gorgeous. How he wanted him to stay.

_“It’s Jim Hutton”_

_Jim Hutton._

_Jim._

He definitely looked like Jim.

Lovely, sweet, amazing, _Jim_.

_Please, Jim._

_I want it so bad, Jim_

_I can’t get it alone, Jim._

_Don’t go, Jim._

_Stay, Jim._

_"Good night, Jim” -_ That's what got out of his mouth.

He could not say anything that was on his mind. He did not know why; he really did not understand why he could not speak out.

It was as if Freddie knew that ... it was as if something was telling Freddie that ...

It was not supposed to happen at _that_ moment.

 _“Good night, Freddie” –_ Jim answered – “ _Or should I say good morning?”_

And then he was gone. As sudden as he got there. In Freddie’s life. Within his heart.

Jim left Freddie in that room.

Alone.

Once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please, leave a comment, let me know if you enjoy it! :D

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. English is not my first language, so sorry for any grammar mistake.
> 
> Did you like it? Please leave a comment, I would be very happy! They encourage me to continue!


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